Currently…

GOMENNASAI

What I thought wasn’t mine
In the light
Was one of a kind,
A precious pearl
When I wanted to cry
I couldn’t cause I
Wasn’t allowed

Gomennasai for everything
Gomennasai, I know I let you down
Gomennasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now

What I thought wasn’t all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain

When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself

Gomennasai for everything
Gomennasai, I know I let you down
Gomennasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now

What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege
When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
I walked away

Gomennasai, for everything
Gomennasai, Gomennasai,
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now
Gomennasai, I let you down

That’s how i feel inside..uh.. as in.. loud and .. um..flashy.. as in.. mmm .. i dunoe..but its not a good feeling thats for sure!! I"m all wonky. I just woke up..well..sorta..ok let me tell u about my nap.

It all started when it rained.. like damn heavily at around.. mmm 3. I thought the lightning won’t bother my comp tand i his time, but.. fifteen minutes later my comp started going all crackly. So i decided, it’s time to stop and take a nap, since u know its Oh-so-nice to sleep when its raining. And so i thought I’d get that feeling since I wasnt feeling happy and all.

Went to bed, and it was soooooo hot. Freaking air cond was sooooo hot. And i thot i’d fall asleep in 5 minutes. But nope, i think it took me like dunoe how long to fall asleep..or u knw, maybe i didn’t even sleep !!! maybe i was like semi concious.. i dont know. I didn’t feel like I was sleeping. Yeah.. and I didn’t get that warm comfy and secure feeling ur supposed to get when ur sleeping when its raining outside. All in all, it was a terrible nap. The worst I ever had so far. Argh…

Last night, I dreamnt my MeI,Al and I were ’shopping’ along this long stretch of road. Next thing i knew I was in Al’s bf’s car with Al sitting infront, her bf driving and me at the back. We were driving to some guys place call Matthew who so happened to stay in this really big bungalow near my place. I have no idea who this Matthew guy is, in my dreams and in reality. Pppffftt.. and.. then I woke up =S …weird..

Oh i found this new song that I like, ‘Boston’ by Augustana.

My exams are on Monday, and im not prepared for it…

Currently, things ain’t good…

whatever

I can feel my bones, I can see my veins,

My fists are clenched, thinking of all the pain,

Truth, No Lies, That’s all.

Kinky

That was the theme for today. hmmmm…

Anyway, my hair is REALLY curly man!!! and it’s quite nice to touch. *Only I can touch it!* but, I’m quite scared to grow it out…wonder what I’ll look like.. hmmmmmm

burn bitch, I heard ur story* lol..random line from Eamon’s-fuck it

OMGosh! There was this RUDE, SUNAVABITCH OF A MALE SPECIES who didn’t know the meaning of manners! EFF HIM MAN !!!! EFFHOLE didn’t want to open the door for us *MEL & I*and when we finally opened it *I Opened it* he had the courtesy to leave a remark that sounded like "IF I OPENED THE DOOR THEN IT’LL KENA YOU RIGHT!"

omgosh ..such an effhole man. And I was COCKSTARING him all the way up until he was OUT OF MY SIGHT but he NEVER looked back!I mean, come on la, it’s not like we gurls are retarded to open the damn door, but it’s manners la for the guys to open it for us, and let us go first.

LADIES FIRST, BASTARD

and not only did I have to open the door, he HAD to leave a remark. Argh ! Geram man this type of people. argh !

anyway, i left my anger trademark on Mel’s notebook so.. weee..and I drew something obscene.. Sorry Mel >.<  I’ll edit it tmr or smth =P

So, today.. i have 27cents left in my HP. Not that I’m broke, but I just want to see how long i can tahan.

And today, I felt..empty. Hmmm.. as in emotionally inside. Empty..but guess I’ll have to get used to it considering how things are. I admit, I’m sensitive. But I can’t help it, just don’t want to get hurt..again.

I was born to tell you I love you* lol another random line from Vulnerable - Secondhand Serenade

OH OH ! currently my favourite song is 4 IN THE MORNING by Gwen Stefani. Just love the lyrics and how it ngams with the tune and all.

Mornings these past 2 days have been different =)

Oh, and I really dislike people who talk behind my back and the worst part *for them la* is that I am aware of it. *Rolls eyes*

Come on man, you’re like 18/17, you SHOULD know how to talk behind people’s back without having them realize it since u want to talk behind people’s back.I see ur an amateur. I think you should give it up. You’ll end up getting more enemies. Seriously, an advice from me *the person u were talking about* to you.

pfft

Anyway.. I’ll blog soon!

take care and have a great week ~ muax ~

It hurts….

.All I needed was to cry and it made me feel better

.I’m doing things I’m receiving from other people

.I know how rejection feels

.I can no longer stay happy for 24 hours

.I long for.. many things which I won’t get, emotionally

.I have to learn to shut up

.Today I was Yellow on the outside but I felt Black on the inside

.Many people are disturbed, including me

.I fail

.If only I could speak how I feel without making others feel uncomfortable ; without making me feel uncomfortable

.I’ve learnt not to blame other people for the way I am ; I’ve learnt to look in the mirror

.I am Sorry.

I’ve yet to understand myself and its frustrating when u can’t figure urself out. It’s as if the last few pieces to complete a puzzle is missing. I thought I’d leave my past behind and I’d never see it again. Well, guess what, one day when I looked out my window, I saw it staring back at me as if to say "Hello, miss me ?" and it hasn’t gone since.

Is there such thing as pushing people away with negative vibes ? I think I have negative vibes that seem to push people I want to get close to, away. Even though i feel it’s wrong to do so, I just do it. I have no control over it. It’s suppose to be my body, my mind, my soul, but all this doesn’t feel like me. I have no control over it.

I can’t say Im not happy because there are so many things for me to be happy about. I tell people Im not emo or sad, but my face shows it. Am i tired ? Is that why I can’t show Im happy ? I don’t think so. I miss being the girl who screamed all the way down the hallway and did a jiggy at the same time. I once wrote about this 4 years ago and someone told me I shouldn’t act hyper just to show people I’m happy. But I thought I was and would always be that hyper girl. Guess that person was right.. I died down a whole lot.

I’m happy with the way things are now. It isn’t bad. It just has changed. A lot. And I guess I’m still not getting used to that change. I see people i once knew adapting really well. I actually thought i would too. But, nope, fooled myself. Change is scary…but I gotta live with it whether I like it or not =S

Anyway, I’m just looking forward to the break I’ll be getting for a few days.  A few days from all this. I sound as though I’m under a lot of pressure..but actually I’m not.. not much i suppose, but enough for me to feel this way.

Im complicated.

I managed to cut down on my "LOL".. *pat on the head*

*digging through a lot of junk to find those missing jigsaw puzzles…

Im being all emo now so i’ll just type out random sentences from random songs and from my random mind ~ bleagh ~

- How long must i wait ?

- Stress + Emo = Cass

- I seem to be slow in a lot of things

- If i was an ant, would you flick me away?

- I feel cold, the mist is coming towards us, I don’t see you anymore

- Will I be a scar or a scab ?

- (+ve) + (-ve) = (-ve)

- The more I love, the more I love, ; the more I cry, the more I cry

- If my heart was removed, will I still be able to feel love?

- bleagh

*oh..I have chosen to stop using the word LOL because, it’s annoying, when I say it, that is*

- Goodbye LOL

Good Friday, today is. And I didn’t know it was till my grandma told me and after doing some calculations in my mind, I realized this Sunday is Easter Sunday ! Didn’t realize it was so fast !! =S If i was back in school, it would have been a holiday ! but unfortunately, Im in a college that doesn’t celebrate Good Friday , so no holiday. In fact, today was one of the longest college days so far. Said that because the day just dragged on and I had to stay back in college to do some work so.. that makes me really drained and tired now.

I just cannot understand why lately I’ve been pretty down. When I actually should not have a reason to be down. Maybe it’s like college work and stuff =S I dont know. Going to college now doesn’t seem to be all that fun and happy anymore..Maybe it’s just me. Yea I think it is. Just can’t help but feel sad for no apparent reason. PMS i think =/

Another of my favourite song at the moment : The pieces don’t fit anymore - James Morrison

"The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore"

I’ve been twisting and turning in a space that’s too small
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall
You’ve been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore

Oh, don’t misunderstand how I feel
Coz I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried
Still I don’t know why
No I don’t know why

Why I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that’s breaking my skin
Well I’ll hide all the bruises; I’ll hide all the damage that’s done
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit anymore