Disturbed
I’ve yet to understand myself and its frustrating when u can’t figure urself out. It’s as if the last few pieces to complete a puzzle is missing. I thought I’d leave my past behind and I’d never see it again. Well, guess what, one day when I looked out my window, I saw it staring back at me as if to say "Hello, miss me ?" and it hasn’t gone since.
Is there such thing as pushing people away with negative vibes ? I think I have negative vibes that seem to push people I want to get close to, away. Even though i feel it’s wrong to do so, I just do it. I have no control over it. It’s suppose to be my body, my mind, my soul, but all this doesn’t feel like me. I have no control over it.
I can’t say Im not happy because there are so many things for me to be happy about. I tell people Im not emo or sad, but my face shows it. Am i tired ? Is that why I can’t show Im happy ? I don’t think so. I miss being the girl who screamed all the way down the hallway and did a jiggy at the same time. I once wrote about this 4 years ago and someone told me I shouldn’t act hyper just to show people I’m happy. But I thought I was and would always be that hyper girl. Guess that person was right.. I died down a whole lot.
I’m happy with the way things are now. It isn’t bad. It just has changed. A lot. And I guess I’m still not getting used to that change. I see people i once knew adapting really well. I actually thought i would too. But, nope, fooled myself. Change is scary…but I gotta live with it whether I like it or not =S
Anyway, I’m just looking forward to the break I’ll be getting for a few days. A few days from all this. I sound as though I’m under a lot of pressure..but actually I’m not.. not much i suppose, but enough for me to feel this way.
Im complicated.
I managed to cut down on my "LOL".. *pat on the head*
*digging through a lot of junk to find those missing jigsaw puzzles…
