Currently…

I’ve yet to understand myself and its frustrating when u can’t figure urself out. It’s as if the last few pieces to complete a puzzle is missing. I thought I’d leave my past behind and I’d never see it again. Well, guess what, one day when I looked out my window, I saw it staring back at me as if to say "Hello, miss me ?" and it hasn’t gone since.

Is there such thing as pushing people away with negative vibes ? I think I have negative vibes that seem to push people I want to get close to, away. Even though i feel it’s wrong to do so, I just do it. I have no control over it. It’s suppose to be my body, my mind, my soul, but all this doesn’t feel like me. I have no control over it.

I can’t say Im not happy because there are so many things for me to be happy about. I tell people Im not emo or sad, but my face shows it. Am i tired ? Is that why I can’t show Im happy ? I don’t think so. I miss being the girl who screamed all the way down the hallway and did a jiggy at the same time. I once wrote about this 4 years ago and someone told me I shouldn’t act hyper just to show people I’m happy. But I thought I was and would always be that hyper girl. Guess that person was right.. I died down a whole lot.

I’m happy with the way things are now. It isn’t bad. It just has changed. A lot. And I guess I’m still not getting used to that change. I see people i once knew adapting really well. I actually thought i would too. But, nope, fooled myself. Change is scary…but I gotta live with it whether I like it or not =S

Anyway, I’m just looking forward to the break I’ll be getting for a few days.  A few days from all this. I sound as though I’m under a lot of pressure..but actually I’m not.. not much i suppose, but enough for me to feel this way.

Im complicated.

I managed to cut down on my "LOL".. *pat on the head*

*digging through a lot of junk to find those missing jigsaw puzzles…

Im being all emo now so i’ll just type out random sentences from random songs and from my random mind ~ bleagh ~

- How long must i wait ?

- Stress + Emo = Cass

- I seem to be slow in a lot of things

- If i was an ant, would you flick me away?

- I feel cold, the mist is coming towards us, I don’t see you anymore

- Will I be a scar or a scab ?

- (+ve) + (-ve) = (-ve)

- The more I love, the more I love, ; the more I cry, the more I cry

- If my heart was removed, will I still be able to feel love?

- bleagh

*oh..I have chosen to stop using the word LOL because, it’s annoying, when I say it, that is*

- Goodbye LOL

Good Friday, today is. And I didn’t know it was till my grandma told me and after doing some calculations in my mind, I realized this Sunday is Easter Sunday ! Didn’t realize it was so fast !! =S If i was back in school, it would have been a holiday ! but unfortunately, Im in a college that doesn’t celebrate Good Friday , so no holiday. In fact, today was one of the longest college days so far. Said that because the day just dragged on and I had to stay back in college to do some work so.. that makes me really drained and tired now.

I just cannot understand why lately I’ve been pretty down. When I actually should not have a reason to be down. Maybe it’s like college work and stuff =S I dont know. Going to college now doesn’t seem to be all that fun and happy anymore..Maybe it’s just me. Yea I think it is. Just can’t help but feel sad for no apparent reason. PMS i think =/

Another of my favourite song at the moment : The pieces don’t fit anymore - James Morrison

"The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore"

I’ve been twisting and turning in a space that’s too small
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall
You’ve been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore

Oh, don’t misunderstand how I feel
Coz I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried
Still I don’t know why
No I don’t know why

Why I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that’s breaking my skin
Well I’ll hide all the bruises; I’ll hide all the damage that’s done
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit anymore

Today, was just like any other day where i sat at the corner of the table in AC during lunch and just "ate by myself" though i was surrounded by friends.. on my right. Was just staring at nothing and feeling all …lousy. Laughed once in a while at what friends had said but didn’t really know what I was laughing about. Smiled at friends but I didn’t really feel the joy. What’s happening to me? I don’t know..all I know is I’m not having a good social week. I told my friend i wanted to be anti-social, a loner.. doesn’t sound that bad you knw..but she said she’ll let me be like that for a day or at most for one week. Not forever. Maybe I’ll try that out..one of my fav songs : So Beautiful - Pete Murray

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin’ about you,
Thinkin’ of the crowd you’re in,
What you up too where you been?
(Just thinkin’)

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn’t change you
Now you tell me why it’s so
You bigger than mighty Joe,
(At lest you think so)

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Throw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
(At lest I thought so)

Now you think your so damn fine

You can rule the world no not mine,
I don’t think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you’re in,
And the people that you been with
Just get to me,
But you think I’m not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?

Well I’m here to tell you babe
The game your in is just a game
So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you’re so beautiful

A rush of                       gushing out,

& it can’t be stopped,

It is                              ,

The              bounces back the dimmest light,

The glistening           I see through my            eyes,

            listening to the song that used to be ours,

Slowly sliding down,

Listening to my heartbeat,

              flashing through my mind,

Wish it could be all that easy again,

                 …

My Boo

There’s always that one person
That will always have your heart
You never see it coming
Cause you’re blinded from the start
Know that you’re that one for me
It’s clear for everyone to see
you’ll always be my boo

[Usher]
Do you remember girl
I was the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and
People screaming your name
Girl I was there when you were my baby

It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother’s taken over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it’s alright
I know we haven’t seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there’s another man who’s in my life
You will always be my boo

[Alicia]
Yes I remember boy
Cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy
The moment I knew you were the one
I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame
And people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother’s taken over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it’s alright
I know we haven’t seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there’s another man who’s in my life
You will always be my boo

Muax ~