Currently…

i mentioned i wanted a golden retriever…but .. no dog even a golden retriever can replace my baby Spike !!!!! =D

hmmm…saturday night at home… sounds sad ? .. yeah i guess it is a bit.. but.. what’s new for me anyway..well..actually I do have plans to go out with friends..but..didn’t feel too good.. after eating the whole packet of Twisties by myself while watching Benchwarmers and spending 6 hours on the computer..i guess i deserved the headache and the lack of appetite..bleagh

So what did i do today… hmmm… i woke up at 6 something thinking i had to go to college and when my brain was like 0.00001% awake, i realized today was Saturday and i was like *weeeeeee* and i cuddled back in my heaven aka soft pillows and comforter and bolster and air cond and darkness. I was happy.. and then i woke up at 8 when my dad said goodbye to me and said some other stuff which all sounded like mumble jumble to me and i went back to sleep again..wasnt as nice because it was kinda bright at that time *wish i had black out curtains*… and then i woke up at 9 something close 10 to a mild headache and neck ache and all sortsa aches.. *don’t knw how i slept*

And i started my day by telling myself mentally "Today is going to be a productive day" and i was feeling pretty good about it cause i had a feeling it was definately gonna be a day where i would do as I had listed down in the ‘to do list’ in my head. But did I ? - No !!!

Things I told myself to do :

1) Scan pictures and send them to Bv to develope

[ I did that the first 6 hours of my day and finally took a stroll to Bv with my dad at like 8 something at night to send the Cd to Foto Shangrila ]

2) Finish up my TKAMBird questions

[ I did that like 5 Minutes ago ]

3) Do the OSSLT booklet

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4) Study Accounts

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5) Do add math

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6) Start on psychology journal

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7) Start on literacy essay , outline

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I am so bummed at myself.. i have this disease and it’s called the procrastinating disease.. I’m not sure if its contagious ..but maybe it is because I don’t really remember being like this so probably i got it from some one.. lol.. im crapping…

anyway.. gonna have an early night tonight since im not out and the rest of my friends are and also cause tomorrow it’s Cheng Beng *hope i said it correctly* so i gotta wake up early early early- 5.00 am and got to go to like 3 cemeteries…yeap !

Oh!  so..i haven’t finished telling you guys my day.. yeah..so after the benchwarmers, i was waiting for my dad to come back from golf so we could like go out..but i felt all bleaghy after the Twisties so i decided to take a bath ..but i didnt felt any better !!!.. then dad came back..and i was merajuking cause i didn’t know he was playing golf and thought he’d come back early from fishing and we could like go buy my guitar or something..but noooo…by the time we were ready to go it was ike 8 smth and i was like.. no hope of getting a guitar at that time so i continued merajuking and i felt bad .. so i stopped..and tried to be happy during dinner.. which went ok in the end…then…. we went to buy cake from bakerzin and walked home.. pleasant but quiet night..yeah..so that was my day.. well..that was what happened ..didn’t really mention the smaller details but ya’ll don’t need to knw..

so, this is my Saturday night ..hope you all punya Sat night is way more eventful than mine =P take care and have a good Sunday !!… muax ~

why do i care about what other people say or think ?

guess that’s me

insecure Cass.

woooo…haven’t "blogged" for quite some time.. but im back !!! lol..losta things happened since the last time.. good and bad.. but im surviving.. =)

anyway, i totally screwed up my data test today which was weighted 3 so… pretty bummed out .. =( aihzzz.. feel like a bum !! i’ve been calling everyone that except myself!!!

so..today.. went quite ok.. i guess.. was hoping it would be happier…but wasn;t really.. bleagh.. i rode with fimy today back home in fimy’s car !!! ahahah.. i still think she’s too small for that car.. i still think we’re small kids .. =P i dont feel like we’re gonna be 18..it’s so weird.. well.. i dont act like how any 18 year olds act.. in fact.. how is an 18 year old supposed to act.. btw im not 18 yet…legally la..but still its 2007 and i was born in 1989 so technically im 18 la.. ahhh whatever…im crapping..

anyway .. i was happy in fimy’s car..singing and waving at Ron in his car…lol =P .. but yea.. dont know why i feel sooooo bleaghy  =S ..i guess its got to do with the test.. and me being tired..and..some other stuff… aihzzz

im soooo broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyone willing to lend/give me cash ? =D ..yea right..

things change so fast and sometimes it sucks for that moment..but probably it’ll get better later.. hope it will get better.. i made some decisions recently.. and i dont know..i just hope it’ll work out and everything will be fine.. though now i feel as though im blamed for everything..u don’t want to knw how i feel ..

and i’m thinking if people don’t really understand what ever that is happening, they should not talk about it..it is really none of their business…and they shouldn’t treat anyone differently just coz they heard stuff abt them..they should get to knw the truth before opening their mouths…bleagh..sorry..being random !!!!as usual… =S

feeling emo now… =(

to see you smile will make my day..

i can’t get enough of your smile…

It is so damn frustrating when u can’t express what u feel or explain what u want to say to another person…

It makes me feel so hopeless and useless…

Whenever i try, I make things worst…

I’d rather keep my mouth shut…

I’d rather keep it in…

I want to be angry but I don’t have the right to…

I want to be upset but I can’t cause I’m not allowed to…

I want to scream,kick,throw,cry,fall,feel anything but what I’m feeling now…

Anything I do, is not good enough for anyone…

What more can I do…

What more can I offer…

What more can I sacrifice…

What else can I do ?

Who else can I go to?

I’m running out of words…

Do I now have to depend on actions to express how I feel & what I want to say ?…

I hope not…

I was listening to Hillary Duff’s new song "with love" and i started thinking about those two words.

and i thought we should do everything..with love.

eg. argue with love & not hatred

if everything was based on love, won’t everything be so much better ?

but then again, not everything is about love…

So today i went back to clg to attend the PTM & it went alright i guess. What i expected to happen, happened, so i wasn’t like shocked or anything and i did tell my parents before hand what i expected the lecturers to say. No doubt they were disappointed in me over Data. But i was more disappointed in myself..for not pushing myself harder and for not taking the initiative to take those extra efforts.

It sucks to disappoint people but it feels worse to not reach that expectation that you yourself had set. Kinda feel hopeless in a way.. Cause it’s like.. what we’ve learnt in Data this two months was like the easier part.. and now, we’re moving on to the harder parts .. and they would be going quite fast because my final exam is in June. So like *counting* roughly around 2 months more for me to catch up and buck up..2 months will pass by real fast..

Guess ppl can read my pretty well.. ppl i didn’t even knw would actually notice told me excatly when i was starting to lose focus in my work..and..yeah I guess i wasn’t focused during that period of time..haihz..

Right now I’m inhaling thinner..

Insecticide stinks

I feel…useless

Tomorrow is the last day of Chinese New Year

I’ll set my new year resolutions

If i remember to do so

With love,

Miss Lee.