Currently…

i really didn’t ask for any of this to happen but it just does

i thought i was actually okay..as in.. no more bad moods during LAN

i never felt so shitty as i did today

i still feel like crap now

i just can’t believe what happened

i can’t understand how it became so effing bad

i don’t get it

i am confused

i wish…i wasn’t in this situation

i am thankful to my friends for being there for me today

i was ignored

i was ..not important

my feelings were not important

i just wanted happiness

do i have to be treated like that?

how the hell do u think i feel ?

i can’t take it anymore

i thought i didn’t have to go through it again

i am hurting

she tossed and turned

she kicked and rolled

she sighed

she looked at her side

she took her handphone

she typed

she saved

she was confused

she wanted to send

she stopped

she sighed

she tried to sleep

she closed her eyes

she opened them

she checked her handphone

she waited

and waited

and waited

she gave up

she woke up

to nothing.

And today i had many serious laughing sessions in such a long time

and today I felt free from problems and discomfort

and today i felt i could live

So amazing what laughter can do to you. guess its true what they say "laughter is the best medicine"..well for that moment i guess. It’s been a while since i actually had some bonding session with some of the girls and it ended up really well. Though it wasn’t those times where tissue papers and shoulders were our best friends but it was those times where u just had to go out for a good dinner and a few good drinks and just have fun and let it all out in a positive way. ok..sounds damn corny ..but i was happy la ok …since a long time..

but now im sad again =S  its like when ur surrounded with people or you have something to occupy urself with, u tend to forget abt whatever that is disturbing you..but now, as you are mentally talking to urself, its hard not to think abt whatever that is disturbing you..  =( wish i could rewind and go back to the time when all five of us kuku girls were laughing so hard everyone thought we were crazy. IT’s like we couldnt give a damn what other ppl thought .. or ok.. I couldn’t care less what other ppl thought of us because i was like so happy…

bleagh ~ should check out the "sneezing panda" in youtube.. i laughed like shit also to that.. =S if you think thats crazy then i guess im crazy because i lack the happy cells in me right now.. aihz.. im going crazy…

i had a good time tonight. period. now, im back to feeling all emo and bleaghy. period.

goodnight. period.

And i said "I like big mushrooms" and he said "Really?" * in that tone *

*shudders* period.

~laughter in many days~

Sweet sweet baby, i said baby, baby you should stay with me, sweet sweet baby, i said maybe, maybe you shouldn’t leave

- currently my favourite song is "Sweet Baby" - Michelle Featherstone

Do you sometimes think songs can like maybe make u extra sad when ur already sad, and extra happy when ur happy and extra hopeful when ..lets say things are going the way it is supposed to go ? It’s weird but i feel that way. Like today, i was pretty bummed out.. and when i was listening to emo songs, i just felt worst. But somehow it felt nice.. after that feeling, you somehow feel like getting back on your feet and trying to make things better for yourself and everybody else. It’s quite cool that songs/music can actually do that.. well for me la..

So today , i practically wasted my day feeling emo and doing nothing but laze around and i was literally dragging myself all over the house. it was a terrible feeling. But after i talked to a certain someone.. i felt much better..even if it wasn’t a very happy conversation. I just felt better telling the person how i was and being able to actually communicate with that person. Felt like I actually had hope to carry on being myself. Don’t know what i’d do without that person.

I think i have a thing for punk emo/ emo punk.. it’s pretty cool.. hmmm.. i didn’t go out this weekend !!.. feels nice to laze around the house.. wake up late and .. just take your time doing things.. really dislike rushing but ironically it always happens !!.. so annoying. you know.. i was reading a few ppl’s blogs from all over.. and Im not alone.. in the emotional way.. Guess we all feel and think almost alike when it comes to going through "this" phase…aihz..

say goodbye - chris brown , sounds very familiar.. what he’s singing i mean.. =S i dld a few good emo punk songs today !!!.. yeah.. im jobless.. i want to go shopping but im broke.. yeah in the beginning of the month already.. Feb is going to pass by sooooo fast i wont even be surprised if 1st of March was tomorrow.. I wish i could capture time in a capsule !! and go back to each and every capsule with different times and re-live that.. won’t it be cool ? .. hmmm..dinner time ~ .. muax

Sweet Baby ~

Have you ever in ur life felt like u are the only one in the whole wide world facing problems? even tho u read in the newspapers that there like wars going around and like ppl dying from poverty and bombings and all sorts of stuff now? It’s weird how aware we are about all these serious things in the world and yet can still have the courtesy to think how miserable your life is at the current moment..is that being selffish? i mean, it may not be a huge problem but it still bothers u a lot, u knw ? is that wrong? When i feel like Im having too many problems to handle, I sometimes feel guilty for even bothering to think about it..like i ask myself "how could i be crying over this when other bigger and life changing problems are happening out there to other people" and it sucks to have that feeling..but i can’t help but be bothered about these problems that seem oh-so-worth-crying-over-for.. it seems important to me..those problems.

It’s weird having to go through different phases in life and feel so many new emotions.. that sometimes u get caught up in it and it upsets ur life.. It’s weird having to feel sad and that pain and hurt u feel inside ur "heart" or wherever u feel that feeling. Where does it come from? Is there like some organ thingy that like "merembes" hormones ? lol.. yeah.. but .. really.. and is it like wrong to think to urself or like have mental conversations with urself …coz i do that a lot.. it’s like im talking to myself, expecting a reply from the "inner me".. k.. im making no sense .. but yeah.. i just don’t understand these feelings man.. its soo confusing.. n like love.. what is it ? Many people have different definitions to what love really is.. and yeah.. its just a feeling.. but why does it change people.. why does it take control over a person.. ? *currently swirling down the black hole* - confusion.. questions that can never be answered. bleagh ~

anyway, today in clg was pretty okay.. felt pretty okay.. though i have mountains of work to do.. aihz ~ .. im still slacking though.. so thats not okay.. but i guess im not the only one.. okay

i put on weight !!.. *random-ness* but yea i did .. n i was shocked..but happy.. yeah.. weird.. aihz..feel tired.. and lethargic.. same thing but i like to put them together..

Cass is dying down…need to recharge batteries.. or maybe even change it.. Im waiting..

hv a good week

Bubbles in Life~

Monday in college is over ~ went by quite fast. Anyway, thanks to Lynn, Yi Zhen, Arthur and Shah for like reading my nonsense which makes sense to you coz u do understand ! So, today, felt pretty grey and gloomy in the morn, (maybe its coz of what i wore - big baggy grey Taylors shirt).. felt drained and bleagh-y. Day went pretty well actually.. oh no .. it didnt. I was freaking out and stressed over not completing my assignment and i had to do it in like English and i felt much better after i did but still felt quite crappy after finding out i did the assignment wrongly, so there goes my hope for achieving a level 4..haihz.. but the day was better especially during Psyc class.. somehow it always does.. it always gets my mind off things i worry about or things i feel sad about…so thats relaxing and fun .. in away.. yeah, then lunch !.. oh i felt hot and terrible!~ must be the shirt~.. then it was Lan.. (eewww) and i had a terrible headache n i felt like shit so i "slept" through out Lan, tho i could actually listen to conversations from diff ppl n it sounded funny n weird n it didnt make sense..prob because i was listening a bit from here and there and yeah…made up my own story.. haihz

was supposed to stay back to like do work in the library but just felt so tired…so i went back after Lan. Thank goodness i did.. so that was practically my day in college. still feel bothered and crappy inside.. like, i want to let ppl know but like i feel i have no right to bombard them with my problems.. so.. yeah.. i know they are there for me .. but i just can’t do it .. like i just want to go on thinking that the problem doesn’t exist .. but in reality, it does.. and .. argh.. its problematic..so.. yea..i do what i do now.. type

i was just wondering.. how long will friendster be "alive" for.. do u think like in ten years time, our acc’s will still be active and available for ppl to like look at and like remember the past? it’ll be cool though coz like most prob at that time, most of us won’t be seeing each other coz like we will go our separate ways but hopefully we wont forget each other la ..but won’t it be cool if friendster still existed.. then we can like scroll down our testimonials and relive the past..

im scared to move on… but it happens.. but its scary.. but its life..im running out of things to say.. oh well.. till tmr ~ have a good week.

Dolorous Feel~

wow.. im surprised that there are people or maybe 1 person who actually read my blog.. hmm..thanx arthur, i guess i’ll check out blogspot and probably create my own blog and stuff. so yea, How am I? I am doing fine i guess, Im hanging in there, Im better…for now. When its night time, I’ll be worst, but its day time now, there are many things to keep my mind off things that are located deep inside my medula oblongata..things that just aren’t comfortable to think off..but yea.. i guess i can still say im in that category of ‘crappyness’ but yea whatever.

Anyway, its the last day of the weekend now, I have been waiting.. for what .. don’t ask. Im slacking in life now. Thought i had it all under control .. all in my hands, I thought i could handle it.. but i can’t. Im slacking and yeah, ppl say seek help. Sad thing is, i’ve found help but it isn’t helping me. Wish i could get back on the right track.. and make sure everything is sailing smoothly.. but right now, it isn’t. Everything seems to be piling up.. and Im stuck. I don’t know where to start to finish it and thats the worst part coz i’ll be in my room, evaluating everything and not do anything about it because I don’t know where to start. no hope.

gosh.. another week is going to start. I hope it goes by fast and  Friday will come soon. I want to clear everything up so i can actually have a free sunday to enjoy, laze around and catch my csi supreme. Right now, i feel im far from achieving that. It just keeps on piling up and it makes it harded for me to be happy and be calm.

wish me luck for this week. hope it’ll be good for ya’ll too. muax ~

Nobody wants to see you sad, especially me~